Wednesday 9 March 2011

Stuck in the swamplands of my soul but striving for optimism!

When I woke up today (or basically when Rebecca woke me up an hour before the alarm by clambering into my bed!) the sky was blue, the sun was shining and it was a crisp bright morning. It's always easy to be happier when the weather is like this and today I have decided to move away from all my dark thoughts, guilt, worries and concerns (the swamplands that I seem to get stuck in continuously!) and I will be happy today and thankful for what I've got.

Firstly my two beautiful daughters. Yes, Rebecca has issues with her dyslexia and auditory processing problems but she is healthy, happy and the most open affectionate little girl I have ever met and she brings joy to my life every single day! Katherine may be a typical teenager but I am thankful for the bond we have and that unlike many of her friends, she will talk to me about anything and everything!

Secondly, I know my marriage broke down in hideous circumstances but if that hadn't happened then I wouldn't have realised how strong I am and would have stayed submerged in a marriage that I didn't realise was suffocating me until it ended.

Thirdly, I lost both my parents withing two years of my marriage ending. The timing sucked but there is no right time for this to happen! My Dad dying was a happy release, as his Parkinson's disease had already taken so much from him. As for my mum dying when she did, hmmm; not a release, a shock and I still have a lot of issues over her and our relationship that I accept now may never be fully resolved. However I am thankful that I understand those issues and their impact on me.

The weather has changed now, the blue sky has clouded over but I am still resolutely keeping that smile on my face. So today, take five minutes and try and find something that you are thankful for.

Bye for now and keep smiling!

love Riki xxxx

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