I am sitting on my bed with psycho cat as we have been banished from downstairs. Katherine, the Teenage Drama Queen, has a friend sleeping over so the deal was that when Rebecca went to bed, they would move downstairs and I would camp out in my bedroom for the rest of the evening. I don't really mind as I have the laptop, some DVDs and a couple of books but there is still a sense that I can't go downstairs as apparently it is very uncool for your parents to hang around. I went to make coffee and they both stopped talking and stared at me like I was an alien. Her friend is petrified of psycho cat as well so naturally he is following her and staring and trying to intimidate her.
The reason for this sleepover is that tomorrow (it's a training day for both my girls). I am getting up at 6am and driving them to Lakeside Shopping Centre to queue for wristbands to meet One Direction on Friday. For anyone who doesn't have a teenage daughter, One Direction are the boy band who came third in last year's X Factor. There are only 500 wristbands and apparently hundreds of teenagers will be descending on Lakeside. The only good point about this is that where we will be queuing is opposite Starbucks so I will be well supplied with caffeine.
What a way to spend the last day of the school holidays!!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
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Sunday 27 February 2011
Friday 25 February 2011
Black hole
That's what I feel like I am sinking into tonight. I built up this evening in my mind. Katherine, the teenager, is at a sleepover so I envisaged that when Rebecca went to bed, I would suddenly have these extra free hours to accomplish a big long list of things. Of course, reality then threw a dampener on that.
Firstly Rebecca decided to play up about bedtime and it took nearly an hour longer than normal before she fell asleep. Then after clearing up the kitchen, I sorted out my Avon deliveries for tomorrow while fielding several calls from Katherine who apparently doesn't feel well at the sleepover. At this point I gave up, decided to ignore the ironing and other chores and collapsed on the sofa. So I didn't get the long relaxing bath, paint my toenails or watch a DVD like I had planned either.
Having read that paragraph back, it actually sounds like I accomplished a lot so I probably shouldn't be so hard on myself. I think that because I get so little time to myself in the evening, I had unrealistic expectations tonight, which was partly due to it being the end of the half term holiday when I have not had more than five minutes peace and time to myself. For example, today was spent going round Tesco this morning and then helping Rebecca make a shoe box scene for her homework. By the time we finished that, it was time to drop Katherine at the sleepover.
God, I sound whiny tonight. I know I'm not the only person who has it hard and some have it much worse than me. But sometimes it does seem over whelming and that black hole starts to suck me in.
I have just started reading a brilliant book that I wanted to share with you. It's called I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't) by Brene Brown. I know I wrote recently about feeling guilty for most of my life, but the stuff that Brene writes about shame has definitely struck a chord. I think it also has resurrected issues with my mother and with the ex in my mind which hasn't particularly helped my mood tonight. I am only about a third of the way through the book but I would definitely recommend it.
I'm off to bed now as we have to go and pick up Katherine in the morning and then traipse the streets delivering Avon.
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Firstly Rebecca decided to play up about bedtime and it took nearly an hour longer than normal before she fell asleep. Then after clearing up the kitchen, I sorted out my Avon deliveries for tomorrow while fielding several calls from Katherine who apparently doesn't feel well at the sleepover. At this point I gave up, decided to ignore the ironing and other chores and collapsed on the sofa. So I didn't get the long relaxing bath, paint my toenails or watch a DVD like I had planned either.
Having read that paragraph back, it actually sounds like I accomplished a lot so I probably shouldn't be so hard on myself. I think that because I get so little time to myself in the evening, I had unrealistic expectations tonight, which was partly due to it being the end of the half term holiday when I have not had more than five minutes peace and time to myself. For example, today was spent going round Tesco this morning and then helping Rebecca make a shoe box scene for her homework. By the time we finished that, it was time to drop Katherine at the sleepover.
God, I sound whiny tonight. I know I'm not the only person who has it hard and some have it much worse than me. But sometimes it does seem over whelming and that black hole starts to suck me in.
I have just started reading a brilliant book that I wanted to share with you. It's called I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't) by Brene Brown. I know I wrote recently about feeling guilty for most of my life, but the stuff that Brene writes about shame has definitely struck a chord. I think it also has resurrected issues with my mother and with the ex in my mind which hasn't particularly helped my mood tonight. I am only about a third of the way through the book but I would definitely recommend it.
I'm off to bed now as we have to go and pick up Katherine in the morning and then traipse the streets delivering Avon.
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Thursday 24 February 2011
The perils of ironing
I was going to go to bed without posting today but as I am now sitting here with several ice cubes wrapped in kitchen roll around my throbbing thumb, I thought I might as well type something one handed while waiting for the pain to subside. I always knew ironing was bad for me but it definitely gets worse when you try to iron your thumb as well!
I finally gave in and ironed tonight as, having put it off for several days due to this streaming cold, the pile of ironing was taller than Rebecca. This is bad as she is very tall for seven!
So, apart from the accidental self harming tonight, it has been a fairly peaceful day. The teenage Drama Queen was in a good mood and even helped hoover.She is at a sleepover tomorrow so it will be a very quiet evening. Rebecca was a bit up and down. I don't know if she was still unsettled after seeing her dad last night. We continued working on her shoebox scene for school and she played in the garden for a while.
It was nice to have a fairly peaceful day as the weekend will be manic, but more about that in my next post. Am off to get some more ice for my thumb.
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
I finally gave in and ironed tonight as, having put it off for several days due to this streaming cold, the pile of ironing was taller than Rebecca. This is bad as she is very tall for seven!
So, apart from the accidental self harming tonight, it has been a fairly peaceful day. The teenage Drama Queen was in a good mood and even helped hoover.She is at a sleepover tomorrow so it will be a very quiet evening. Rebecca was a bit up and down. I don't know if she was still unsettled after seeing her dad last night. We continued working on her shoebox scene for school and she played in the garden for a while.
It was nice to have a fairly peaceful day as the weekend will be manic, but more about that in my next post. Am off to get some more ice for my thumb.
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Wednesday 23 February 2011
No excuses
This post is a bit of a hotch potch of things that have happened today and stuff that I've been thinking about lately so sorry if it rambles a bit or if I jump around different topics
I was intending just to talk about Rebecca and her dyslexia. She has been aware for some time that she has difficulties with things that her peers at school find easy. I have always tried to boost her self esteem as much as possible and celebrated her triumphs. Therefore once her educational psychologist diagnosed dyslexia, I explained this to Rebecca so that she could understand there was a specific reason for her learning difficulties. I am struggling to find the balance between her understanding that dyslexia makes some things harder and her not using it as an excuse to not try something because "I'm dyslexic, I won't be able to do that". At the moment, I am just responding by saying "Yes, you can do it, I'll help you at first and we'll practise together".
I've been making a list of things that Rebecca finds difficult when writing and looking for techniques to help. One of her main ones is confusing b and d. Apparently if your child knows the word "bed", which Rebecca does, then you can use this as a reminder with the b and d forming the head and foot of the bed and therefore showing which way they go. I'm going to try this for a while and see how we go.
The other thing on my mind involves the ex. He turned up tonight for his weekly visit surprisingly early and on a motorbike. My mind went into overdrive as to how he could afford to buy one but apparently it's on loan from a friend. Hmm, curiouser and curiouser. Anyway he sat watching TV with Rebecca and then helped her shower and read a story. When he left, Rebecca started crying and saying that she missed Daddy. He actually then came back into the house as he forgotten something. I explained why Rebecca was upset and basically he just said that he'd see her soon and left. So as usual, I was left to sort her out and comfort her and deal with the questions of why Daddy left. I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but she's seven now and bright so i don't make excuses for him anymore. I don't say anything nasty about him but equally I don't defend him.
I'm trying to hold onto my resolution not to feel guilt for his shortfalls. It's not easy. I read recently that in life you have to accept that some people are just s**ts and you can't change that and you can't take responsibility for them. It is hard though when the biggest impact is on your kids.
I am suffering tonight with the heaviest cold imaginable. Typical that it hits me during the school holiday. I'm off to bed with a large medicinal brandy now to see if that helps.
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
I was intending just to talk about Rebecca and her dyslexia. She has been aware for some time that she has difficulties with things that her peers at school find easy. I have always tried to boost her self esteem as much as possible and celebrated her triumphs. Therefore once her educational psychologist diagnosed dyslexia, I explained this to Rebecca so that she could understand there was a specific reason for her learning difficulties. I am struggling to find the balance between her understanding that dyslexia makes some things harder and her not using it as an excuse to not try something because "I'm dyslexic, I won't be able to do that". At the moment, I am just responding by saying "Yes, you can do it, I'll help you at first and we'll practise together".
I've been making a list of things that Rebecca finds difficult when writing and looking for techniques to help. One of her main ones is confusing b and d. Apparently if your child knows the word "bed", which Rebecca does, then you can use this as a reminder with the b and d forming the head and foot of the bed and therefore showing which way they go. I'm going to try this for a while and see how we go.
The other thing on my mind involves the ex. He turned up tonight for his weekly visit surprisingly early and on a motorbike. My mind went into overdrive as to how he could afford to buy one but apparently it's on loan from a friend. Hmm, curiouser and curiouser. Anyway he sat watching TV with Rebecca and then helped her shower and read a story. When he left, Rebecca started crying and saying that she missed Daddy. He actually then came back into the house as he forgotten something. I explained why Rebecca was upset and basically he just said that he'd see her soon and left. So as usual, I was left to sort her out and comfort her and deal with the questions of why Daddy left. I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but she's seven now and bright so i don't make excuses for him anymore. I don't say anything nasty about him but equally I don't defend him.
I'm trying to hold onto my resolution not to feel guilt for his shortfalls. It's not easy. I read recently that in life you have to accept that some people are just s**ts and you can't change that and you can't take responsibility for them. It is hard though when the biggest impact is on your kids.
I am suffering tonight with the heaviest cold imaginable. Typical that it hits me during the school holiday. I'm off to bed with a large medicinal brandy now to see if that helps.
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Tuesday 22 February 2011
Joys of parenting
You know, sometimes I think the cat appreciates me more than the kids! He's always pleased to see me at least! Actually Rebecca is OK at the moment, it's the Teenage Drama Queen acting up! I just spent 40 minutes telling her to go to bed only to then be accused of milking being ill (I have a stinking cold!). Apparently she felt ill all day but didn't make a fuss unlike me. I should point out that my making a fuss only consisted of having a lemsip before going out, sneezing continually and talking with a blocked nose tonight.
The Teenage Drama Queen never mentioned feeling ill all day and was perfectly OK to go shopping for school shoes and party clothes for the weekend and then sit on facebook all evening. I, on the other hand, have spent the evening trying to find ideas for creating a shoebox scene for Rebecca's holiday homework. It has to be a holiday destination and she wants it to be skiing. So I will spend a lot of tomorrow helping her with this. I will help with the drawing of the background and then let her paint it and will have to help with the cutting out. She has special scissors to help with her weak grip and has improved a lot but still needs some guidance.
I must also find time to run the hoover round as the ex is descending on us for his weekly visit in the evening. If I'm really lucky, I might manage to give him my cold, hee hee..
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
The Teenage Drama Queen never mentioned feeling ill all day and was perfectly OK to go shopping for school shoes and party clothes for the weekend and then sit on facebook all evening. I, on the other hand, have spent the evening trying to find ideas for creating a shoebox scene for Rebecca's holiday homework. It has to be a holiday destination and she wants it to be skiing. So I will spend a lot of tomorrow helping her with this. I will help with the drawing of the background and then let her paint it and will have to help with the cutting out. She has special scissors to help with her weak grip and has improved a lot but still needs some guidance.
I must also find time to run the hoover round as the ex is descending on us for his weekly visit in the evening. If I'm really lucky, I might manage to give him my cold, hee hee..
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Monday 21 February 2011
Juggling credit cards and stretching the pennies
My daughter, Rebecca, asked me tonight if I had always wanted to be an Avon lady when I grew up. My short answer to her was no, but it fitted in around looking after her so was good at the moment. But it made me think and, although I wouldn't say it to her, I had a real pang of regret for the career I had to give up. I know I was only in the civil service but I was good at what I did and sometimes I do miss it. I certainly do miss the money!!
Yet again I am juggling my credit cards. At the moment everything is on 0% interest rates but unless things change, I could be in the deep doo doo by the end of the year. I know that I should be grateful that my ex pays the mortgage but with two kids money doesn't go far and I hate them going without at all. Especially as their Dad doesn't spoil them at all.
If Rebecca only had dyslexia to contend with, then childcare might be an option. But her problems with auditory processing and difficulties with dealing with large groups have made me rule it out as an option. So most doors in the job market are shut to me, as a job would need to be school hours and term time working only.
So I will keep trying to earn a few extra pennies where I can but it's bad when my hopes of getting my finances straight rest mainly on winning the lottery!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Yet again I am juggling my credit cards. At the moment everything is on 0% interest rates but unless things change, I could be in the deep doo doo by the end of the year. I know that I should be grateful that my ex pays the mortgage but with two kids money doesn't go far and I hate them going without at all. Especially as their Dad doesn't spoil them at all.
If Rebecca only had dyslexia to contend with, then childcare might be an option. But her problems with auditory processing and difficulties with dealing with large groups have made me rule it out as an option. So most doors in the job market are shut to me, as a job would need to be school hours and term time working only.
So I will keep trying to earn a few extra pennies where I can but it's bad when my hopes of getting my finances straight rest mainly on winning the lottery!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Saturday 19 February 2011
English Weather - Yuck!!
Well, we didn't make it into London today. We woke up to torrential rain. Normally this wouldn't have stopped us but we had planned to go to Borough Market and then have a walk around the South Bank and pop into Tate Modern. So this would have meant being outside quite a bit and it was cold and Rebecca was grumpy today. So we hung on until lunchtime to see if the weather improved (it didn't) and then jumped in the car and went to do some shopping locally instead. I am now planning to drive up to London tomorrow and we will have a look round one of the museums probably the Natural History as Rebecca likes dinosaurs. I have then promised the girls lunch in Harrods as a treat.
I have been hunting around the Internet tonight trying to find worksheets for dyslexics. It's annoying that I can't find anything as Rebecca had no homework set over the holiday and it would be good to have some ideas of what to work on. I'll keep hunting though
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
I have been hunting around the Internet tonight trying to find worksheets for dyslexics. It's annoying that I can't find anything as Rebecca had no homework set over the holiday and it would be good to have some ideas of what to work on. I'll keep hunting though
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Friday 18 February 2011
Normal life is suspended..........
because the kids break up from school today. Don't take this the wrong way, I love having my kids at home but, in some ways, life is easier when they are at school as they are in a routine.
For the next week, Katherine the teenager will adopt the waking pattern of a vampire. That is, trying to stay up all night and hiding under her duvet for the hours of daylight! She is currently only planning one day out with friends and a sleepover at the end of the week so I can expect choruses of "I'm so boooored" and lots of bickering with her sister. Rebecca will be easier to amuse but due to her current obsession with snakes and ladders, I can expect to be playing that for hours each day!
Rebecca's head teacher stopped me on the way out of school this morning to tell me to expect some forms in the post. Apparently he has been pushing again for additional speech and language help for Rebecca and the forms will be for my input on this. I was very pleased about this. Rebecca's problems with auditory processing haven't really been addressed, apart from the school adapting the way she is given instructions.
It'll be interesting to see what help is forthcoming.
I am taking the girls up to London over the weekend so that will keep them busy and out of mischief. Good luck to all parents and carers dealing with the school holiday next week. Have a good one!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
For the next week, Katherine the teenager will adopt the waking pattern of a vampire. That is, trying to stay up all night and hiding under her duvet for the hours of daylight! She is currently only planning one day out with friends and a sleepover at the end of the week so I can expect choruses of "I'm so boooored" and lots of bickering with her sister. Rebecca will be easier to amuse but due to her current obsession with snakes and ladders, I can expect to be playing that for hours each day!
Rebecca's head teacher stopped me on the way out of school this morning to tell me to expect some forms in the post. Apparently he has been pushing again for additional speech and language help for Rebecca and the forms will be for my input on this. I was very pleased about this. Rebecca's problems with auditory processing haven't really been addressed, apart from the school adapting the way she is given instructions.
It'll be interesting to see what help is forthcoming.
I am taking the girls up to London over the weekend so that will keep them busy and out of mischief. Good luck to all parents and carers dealing with the school holiday next week. Have a good one!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Wednesday 16 February 2011
The weight of guilt
I suddenly had an epiphany yesterday and realised that I have been feeling guilty for probably most of my life. You may wonder why I would feel guilty as a child but then again you never met my mother! I never knew my natural father, he wasn't spoken of and I was raised by my mum and my uncle. Initially I was actually led to believe my uncle was my dad and I assumed it was normal for your parents to have separate rooms and never hug or show affection. My mum would have reasoned with me that this was done to protect me but all it did was make me feel we had a big guilty secret that was never talked about. I didn't have friends round as I didn't want them to see my room (I shared with my mum) and I worried about people knowing that we were not a normal family. Nowadays there is nothing shameful about having an illegitimate child but I was made to feel that it was wrong and therefore I was wrong so it had to be hidden. I can also remember an old friend of my mums saying in my hearing that it must be hard when I looked so much like HIM. That added to my guilt.
As I grew older and reached my teens, my mum would make me feel guilty about wanting independence. This even continued after I married when she would actually count how many times we had visited the ex's mum to check if it was more than we had seen her. So my guilt at not being the daughter she wanted was fairly constant!
In the end we lived the other side of London from her and even now I feel guilty that she died alone in hospital as I had no babysitter and couldn't get there every day. She took two weeks to die and I was only able to visit twice.
I don't think I felt guilty throughout my marriage particularly but boy, did I feel guilty at the breakdown, even though it was him that cheated! I remember reading an article saying that most men don't leave their wife and thinking well, mine did so what did I do wrong? Of course, the guilt about the breakdown effecting the children was all-consuming!!
Finally, we come to Rebecca and her learning difficulties. She has been under assessment for one thing or another for about four years. Every time I was told it was developmental, I'd think what did I do wrong and question whether it was something I did while pregnant. When I read that extreme stress during pregnancy can ;possibly cause developmental delays, the guilt nearly flattened me. It is typical that I blamed myself when the stress was caused by finding out about the ex cheating!
I even realised yesterday that I feel guilty about the ex being such a weak person and the fact that I didn't choose a better man to be my daughters' dad.
Anyway, the point to all this rambling back history of guilt is that I have decided to try and forgive myself. I accept the fact that I disappointed my mother in many ways and will no longer beat myself up for not giving into her control freak ways. I will focus on the positives things from my marriage break up. I am very close to my girls and we have an extremely strong bond. I will accept that their dad will never probably be the perfect father that I wanted for them but realise that he does love them. I can not carry the guilt for his failings, I can only try to be the best mum that I am capable of being.
It sounds cliched but I actually do feel like a weight has been lifted from me. Thanks you for bearing with me through such a rambling post. Bye for now
love Riki xxx
As I grew older and reached my teens, my mum would make me feel guilty about wanting independence. This even continued after I married when she would actually count how many times we had visited the ex's mum to check if it was more than we had seen her. So my guilt at not being the daughter she wanted was fairly constant!
In the end we lived the other side of London from her and even now I feel guilty that she died alone in hospital as I had no babysitter and couldn't get there every day. She took two weeks to die and I was only able to visit twice.
I don't think I felt guilty throughout my marriage particularly but boy, did I feel guilty at the breakdown, even though it was him that cheated! I remember reading an article saying that most men don't leave their wife and thinking well, mine did so what did I do wrong? Of course, the guilt about the breakdown effecting the children was all-consuming!!
Finally, we come to Rebecca and her learning difficulties. She has been under assessment for one thing or another for about four years. Every time I was told it was developmental, I'd think what did I do wrong and question whether it was something I did while pregnant. When I read that extreme stress during pregnancy can ;possibly cause developmental delays, the guilt nearly flattened me. It is typical that I blamed myself when the stress was caused by finding out about the ex cheating!
I even realised yesterday that I feel guilty about the ex being such a weak person and the fact that I didn't choose a better man to be my daughters' dad.
Anyway, the point to all this rambling back history of guilt is that I have decided to try and forgive myself. I accept the fact that I disappointed my mother in many ways and will no longer beat myself up for not giving into her control freak ways. I will focus on the positives things from my marriage break up. I am very close to my girls and we have an extremely strong bond. I will accept that their dad will never probably be the perfect father that I wanted for them but realise that he does love them. I can not carry the guilt for his failings, I can only try to be the best mum that I am capable of being.
It sounds cliched but I actually do feel like a weight has been lifted from me. Thanks you for bearing with me through such a rambling post. Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Monday 14 February 2011
Motivation
I would imagine that it's not always particularly easy to motivate any child with special needs and I appear to have hit a bit of a stumbling block with Rebecca at the moment. The initial euphoria over moving up a reading band has worn off now she is faced with the reality of having to read books that she finds quite difficult. She has spent the weekend trying to avoid reading with me and then after school tonight admitted she found the books too hard. She had tried to swap them back to the lower reading band but her teacher stopped her.
Rebecca does have a tendency to want to give up if something is difficult and she will revert to babyish behaviour as a coping mechanism. Tonight, for example, there was lots of thumb sucking.
In an effort to reach a compromise, I only made her read 8 pages. She did actually read very well and I gave her lots of praise. I can see this being a continuing issue with Rebecca though. I will just have to carry on trying to motivate and encourage her. Bribery is always a good option!!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Rebecca does have a tendency to want to give up if something is difficult and she will revert to babyish behaviour as a coping mechanism. Tonight, for example, there was lots of thumb sucking.
In an effort to reach a compromise, I only made her read 8 pages. She did actually read very well and I gave her lots of praise. I can see this being a continuing issue with Rebecca though. I will just have to carry on trying to motivate and encourage her. Bribery is always a good option!!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Sunday 13 February 2011
Moving on
I've been thinking tonight about how it takes some people vastly different amounts of time to get over a break up and do you ever truly move on completely?
I have a friend whose marriage broke up before mine who is now happily remarried and another whose marriage fell apart in awful circumstances last year but who is dating again. I, on the other hand, haven't dated at all since the ex left nearly seven years ago.
I suppose I'm just feeling in a bit of a rut and Valentines Day tomorrow hasn't helped. Also, Katherine suddenly wanted to talk about her Dad leaving and made me rehash the whole thing again tonight.
Leaving aside the difficulties of actually dating without having a babysitter, the whole idea of dating scares me stiff and my self esteem is still pretty low. I still think of my ex saying that I really didn't have much going for me and that if he stayed with me, then he just hoped he'd die soon.
Maybe it's not a case of moving on so much as accepting that for people, you do move on, but with emotional scars and they may take longer to heal. I try and believe in karma and having read today about the number of men in their 40s suffering from erectile dysfunction, that's the particular karma that I like to imagine hitting the ex!!!
Good news for Rebecca today. Her eye test showed she has 20:20 vision. The test was the same as normal so they obviously don't change it for dyslexics. I had a frustrating afternoon with Rebecca. We tried to do some homework which involved writing six sentences but her heart wasn't in it today. She didn't want to try so in the end I stopped and will try again after school tomorrow. I've found that it's best to leave things sometimes and other times when she is in the mood, we will do extra work. There's no point in forcing her if the end result is that she just gets stressed. It doesn't achieve anything.
At least there's only one more week till half term, i could do with a few lie ins!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
I have a friend whose marriage broke up before mine who is now happily remarried and another whose marriage fell apart in awful circumstances last year but who is dating again. I, on the other hand, haven't dated at all since the ex left nearly seven years ago.
I suppose I'm just feeling in a bit of a rut and Valentines Day tomorrow hasn't helped. Also, Katherine suddenly wanted to talk about her Dad leaving and made me rehash the whole thing again tonight.
Leaving aside the difficulties of actually dating without having a babysitter, the whole idea of dating scares me stiff and my self esteem is still pretty low. I still think of my ex saying that I really didn't have much going for me and that if he stayed with me, then he just hoped he'd die soon.
Maybe it's not a case of moving on so much as accepting that for people, you do move on, but with emotional scars and they may take longer to heal. I try and believe in karma and having read today about the number of men in their 40s suffering from erectile dysfunction, that's the particular karma that I like to imagine hitting the ex!!!
Good news for Rebecca today. Her eye test showed she has 20:20 vision. The test was the same as normal so they obviously don't change it for dyslexics. I had a frustrating afternoon with Rebecca. We tried to do some homework which involved writing six sentences but her heart wasn't in it today. She didn't want to try so in the end I stopped and will try again after school tomorrow. I've found that it's best to leave things sometimes and other times when she is in the mood, we will do extra work. There's no point in forcing her if the end result is that she just gets stressed. It doesn't achieve anything.
At least there's only one more week till half term, i could do with a few lie ins!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Saturday 12 February 2011
Psycho Cat!
Bye for now
love a very sleepy Riki xxx
Friday 11 February 2011
Eye Eye
I seem to have spent most of my day in the opticians. This morning, it was for me as I needed a contact lens test. This didn't go as well as I'd hoped as my eyes are still showing sign of oxygen deprivation even after a year of diligently taking them out before 12 hours are up. Anyway, the optician has put me on a three week trial of silicone lenses and if they help, then I will just continue with them. I desperately want to be able to continue wearing contacts as with glasses I look too much like my mother (shudder - but that's a subject for a whole different post, actually stories about my mother would probably fill a whole blog!).
We were then back at the opticians after school for Katherine's eye test. She was fine and pleased to hear that her vision was 20:20. My occupancy of the optician will continue with a visit on Sunday for Rebecca to have her eyes tested. This will be interesting as she hasn't had them tested formally since pre school. I have told them she's dyslexic, but I'm not sure if they alter the test in any way to accommodate that. Her sight is the only thing that hasn't been tested recently so it will be good to get it checked before she sees the paediatrician next month.
Rebecca made it through the cycling day at school OK and seemed happy about it. I felt so sorry for her tonight as we cycled home and people from her class kept passing us while she struggled along on her stabilisers. I kept reminding her that a few months ago, she had trouble even steering at all and now I just have to guide her a little. She got a bit frustrated and there were a few tears. It's hard for her as she has both the weakness in ankles and wrists due to hyper mobility and the problems with her co-ordination to contend with and she is now old enough to realise that she struggles with lots of things that her peers find easy. I just try to praise her for the things that she does do well and remind her how much progress she has made.
I am taking Rebecca shopping tomorrow while Katherine is out with friends. I told her she can have a little present as a reward for her headteachers award. She decided that she would like a new book. It is encouraging that despite her reading difficulties, she has such an intense love of books and stories.
I'm off to chill out now and watch some TV with a large mug of coffee. Bye for now
love Riki xxxx
We were then back at the opticians after school for Katherine's eye test. She was fine and pleased to hear that her vision was 20:20. My occupancy of the optician will continue with a visit on Sunday for Rebecca to have her eyes tested. This will be interesting as she hasn't had them tested formally since pre school. I have told them she's dyslexic, but I'm not sure if they alter the test in any way to accommodate that. Her sight is the only thing that hasn't been tested recently so it will be good to get it checked before she sees the paediatrician next month.
Rebecca made it through the cycling day at school OK and seemed happy about it. I felt so sorry for her tonight as we cycled home and people from her class kept passing us while she struggled along on her stabilisers. I kept reminding her that a few months ago, she had trouble even steering at all and now I just have to guide her a little. She got a bit frustrated and there were a few tears. It's hard for her as she has both the weakness in ankles and wrists due to hyper mobility and the problems with her co-ordination to contend with and she is now old enough to realise that she struggles with lots of things that her peers find easy. I just try to praise her for the things that she does do well and remind her how much progress she has made.
I am taking Rebecca shopping tomorrow while Katherine is out with friends. I told her she can have a little present as a reward for her headteachers award. She decided that she would like a new book. It is encouraging that despite her reading difficulties, she has such an intense love of books and stories.
I'm off to chill out now and watch some TV with a large mug of coffee. Bye for now
love Riki xxxx
Thursday 10 February 2011
The Golden Child
Here's the question of the day and it's a bit of a stinker! What do you do when your ex is showing a preference for one of your two children so clearly that the child he shows the preference for has noticed and is feeling bad for her sister??
Basically Katherine, my eldest, noticed some time ago that she appeared to be her Dad's favourite. We talked about it, she won't talk to him about anything personal, and at her own instigation she tried to step back a bit when he visited and force him to interact more with Rebecca. He just ended up watching TV!
Last night, he gave Rebecca £10 as a treat and a reward for getting her Headteachers Award. Then he turned round and still gave Katherine £10 because I'd said she had been better behaved. This came two weeks after he gave Katherine £20 to get her nails done and Rebecca had got nothing!! I have tried speaking to him and saying that it's not fair to give Katherine money and nothing to Rebecca but his reply was Rebecca can have some more when she's older and goes out with friends. He doesn't realise she's seven now and likes to have a little bit of money.
The end result of this was that Katherine felt so guilty that she is giving her £10 to Rebecca and she asked me last night if I thought she was the golden child as far as Dad is concerned and hadn't he wanted Rebecca. She knows he left when Rebecca was only three months old. How do you answer that?? I tried to be fairly truthful and said that Dad maybe had a stronger bond with her as he'd lived with her until she was six. He actually had little interaction with Rebecca until she was nearly two (his choice!)
It's so sad though as I think Rebecca would have been a Daddy's girl if things had been different. She came home from his house at the weekend telling me little stories that Daddy did this with me and Daddy said that. But when I checked with Katherine, she said this was all made up. I really could shake the man at times. I tried to talk to him about her dyslexia again and he asked me again was there definitely no cure for this!
All I can do is continue to support and nurture both girls to the best of my abilities and try and fill the gap that Daddy should be filling. The positive thing is that I am incredibly close to both and we have an amazing bond.
Sorry if this is a bit depressing today but sometimes you just need to rant. I'll try and be more upbeat next time.
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Basically Katherine, my eldest, noticed some time ago that she appeared to be her Dad's favourite. We talked about it, she won't talk to him about anything personal, and at her own instigation she tried to step back a bit when he visited and force him to interact more with Rebecca. He just ended up watching TV!
Last night, he gave Rebecca £10 as a treat and a reward for getting her Headteachers Award. Then he turned round and still gave Katherine £10 because I'd said she had been better behaved. This came two weeks after he gave Katherine £20 to get her nails done and Rebecca had got nothing!! I have tried speaking to him and saying that it's not fair to give Katherine money and nothing to Rebecca but his reply was Rebecca can have some more when she's older and goes out with friends. He doesn't realise she's seven now and likes to have a little bit of money.
The end result of this was that Katherine felt so guilty that she is giving her £10 to Rebecca and she asked me last night if I thought she was the golden child as far as Dad is concerned and hadn't he wanted Rebecca. She knows he left when Rebecca was only three months old. How do you answer that?? I tried to be fairly truthful and said that Dad maybe had a stronger bond with her as he'd lived with her until she was six. He actually had little interaction with Rebecca until she was nearly two (his choice!)
It's so sad though as I think Rebecca would have been a Daddy's girl if things had been different. She came home from his house at the weekend telling me little stories that Daddy did this with me and Daddy said that. But when I checked with Katherine, she said this was all made up. I really could shake the man at times. I tried to talk to him about her dyslexia again and he asked me again was there definitely no cure for this!
All I can do is continue to support and nurture both girls to the best of my abilities and try and fill the gap that Daddy should be filling. The positive thing is that I am incredibly close to both and we have an amazing bond.
Sorry if this is a bit depressing today but sometimes you just need to rant. I'll try and be more upbeat next time.
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Wednesday 9 February 2011
Shopping!
I'm off for a little bit of retail therapy today. Only problem is with the state of my finances, it'll have to be bargain basement retail therapy so am heading for Primark! At least my overdraft is a bit better although my credit cards are still creaking!! I superglued my eldest girls school shoe last night so hopefully they will last a few more weeks.
I'll pick up my Avon brochures on the way back. Please God, let there be some big orders!! Failing that, there's always the lottery tonight!! Fingers crossed!!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
I'll pick up my Avon brochures on the way back. Please God, let there be some big orders!! Failing that, there's always the lottery tonight!! Fingers crossed!!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Tuesday 8 February 2011
Highs and Lows
Well, it started off as a good evening last night and then went downhill due to some teenage dramatics.
The high point was Rebecca coming home from school with a Headteacher's Award for outstanding progress in reading. She was so thrilled and it has seemed to spur her on to try even harder. She's old enough now to realise that some things seem harder for her than others in her class so positve encouragement really helps her. The diagnosis of dylexia has, at least, meant that I can explain that there is a reason for her difficulties and the other day we even talked about famous people that are dyslexic so that she could see that it's not just her. Her certificate has pride of place in her bedroom at the moment and I have promised her a little reward at the weekend when we go shopping.
The low point of the night was the never ending struggle to get Katherine to go to bed. We have settled on 10pm as a reasonable time but as usual it was about 20 past by the time she was actually in bed. About an hour later I was on Facebook and realised that she was online. I found her in bed listening to music on her phone. When I took her phone off her and told her to go to sleep, I just got a mouthful. This morning, she couldn't get up and only came downstairs as I was leaving to take Rebecca to school. She is only 13 and needs more sleep than she is getting.
I will have the last laugh though. She asked her Dad for money last night to go out at the weekend. I have emailed him this morning and said don't give her any because she doesn't deserve it. Also, as I didn't get an apology, she will lose her laptop for the rest of the week.
It's Tough Love, Baby!!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
The high point was Rebecca coming home from school with a Headteacher's Award for outstanding progress in reading. She was so thrilled and it has seemed to spur her on to try even harder. She's old enough now to realise that some things seem harder for her than others in her class so positve encouragement really helps her. The diagnosis of dylexia has, at least, meant that I can explain that there is a reason for her difficulties and the other day we even talked about famous people that are dyslexic so that she could see that it's not just her. Her certificate has pride of place in her bedroom at the moment and I have promised her a little reward at the weekend when we go shopping.
The low point of the night was the never ending struggle to get Katherine to go to bed. We have settled on 10pm as a reasonable time but as usual it was about 20 past by the time she was actually in bed. About an hour later I was on Facebook and realised that she was online. I found her in bed listening to music on her phone. When I took her phone off her and told her to go to sleep, I just got a mouthful. This morning, she couldn't get up and only came downstairs as I was leaving to take Rebecca to school. She is only 13 and needs more sleep than she is getting.
I will have the last laugh though. She asked her Dad for money last night to go out at the weekend. I have emailed him this morning and said don't give her any because she doesn't deserve it. Also, as I didn't get an apology, she will lose her laptop for the rest of the week.
It's Tough Love, Baby!!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Monday 7 February 2011
Just another manic Monday
Well, the kids arrived back safely last night and amazingly over an hour early!! Packed them off to school this morning. Rebecca was a bit fretful, I think because she doesn't go to her dad's on a regular basis (his choice!), it takes her a while to adjust. Katherine was just her usual comatose self, she really is not a morning person.
I'm hoping Rebecca is more settled later as we need to take her bike out after school. She has a cycle awareness day on Friday so we need to practise. Her co-ordination is not good, initially it was thought that she had dyspraxia, but i now believe that her dyslexia is probably responsible. Additionally, her hypermobility in her wrists and ankles means that riding a bike is quite difficult for her. She still has stabilizers and needs a bit of guidance steering too. I've offered to go into school on Friday to help with the cycling as I don't want her to struggle but they haven't said yes or no yet.
Am wishing that I'd chosen a different title for this post as I think I'll now be singing the Bangles all day.
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
I'm hoping Rebecca is more settled later as we need to take her bike out after school. She has a cycle awareness day on Friday so we need to practise. Her co-ordination is not good, initially it was thought that she had dyspraxia, but i now believe that her dyslexia is probably responsible. Additionally, her hypermobility in her wrists and ankles means that riding a bike is quite difficult for her. She still has stabilizers and needs a bit of guidance steering too. I've offered to go into school on Friday to help with the cycling as I don't want her to struggle but they haven't said yes or no yet.
Am wishing that I'd chosen a different title for this post as I think I'll now be singing the Bangles all day.
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Sunday 6 February 2011
Too quiet!
The girls are at their Dad's until tonight and by now I am fed up with just talking to the cat, although at least he doesn't answer back. The house is never this quiet at the weekend. I do normally enjoy my 24 hours off from being full time Mum especially as it doesn't happen that often. Today I feel a bit sad though as it's the girls Nan's birthday and I know that their Dad and his girlfriend are taking her and the girls out. It is still surprisingly hard to think of them doing family things together. Last night I phoned my eldest girl Katherine because Rebecca had left her birthday card for Nanny at home and I was worried she'd be upset. Rebecca had made the card herself and tried really hard to write neatly inside. Whenever she does anything like this, I try to praise her a lot as she is starting to realise that her dyslexia means that it is harder for her to do some things and praise for trying hard with her writing boosts her self confidence. Anyway, I ended up talking to the ex briefly and he made me feel so bad for phoning and intruding that I put the phone down and cried. I hate that he still has the capacity to make me feel crap about myself.
The girls will be back about 8pm so I'm going to spend the day clearing up and doing some housework and sorting through some dyslexia aids I've just got for Rebecca. The best one appears to be something called a Cooler Ruler which is a way of blocking off parts of long words to help break down the sounds a bit at a time. It only arrived yesterday so we haven't tried it out yet, I'll let you know how we get on.
Bye for now
love Riki xx
The girls will be back about 8pm so I'm going to spend the day clearing up and doing some housework and sorting through some dyslexia aids I've just got for Rebecca. The best one appears to be something called a Cooler Ruler which is a way of blocking off parts of long words to help break down the sounds a bit at a time. It only arrived yesterday so we haven't tried it out yet, I'll let you know how we get on.
Bye for now
love Riki xx
Saturday 5 February 2011
How to piss off your ex in under 5 seconds
It's typical, the man has not been early to pick up the girls in SIX years. Today though, we oversleep due to pyscho cat's kamikaze leaping on beds all night waking us up and the ex is early!!!
I had managed to get dressed and so had Rebecca but we hadn't had breakfast and Katherine, my eldest - also known as Teenage Drama Queen, was still in pyjamas.
I managed somehow to get them ready and out the door in under the hour but could see how impatient he was getting. I did make him wait while Rebecca did her maths homework with me. She is working on a fantastic maths programme called Power Of 2 which I'd highly recommend for any dyslexics.
So, anyway the girls are off till tomorrow night and I am now out working for the rest of the day.
love Riki xxx
I had managed to get dressed and so had Rebecca but we hadn't had breakfast and Katherine, my eldest - also known as Teenage Drama Queen, was still in pyjamas.
I managed somehow to get them ready and out the door in under the hour but could see how impatient he was getting. I did make him wait while Rebecca did her maths homework with me. She is working on a fantastic maths programme called Power Of 2 which I'd highly recommend for any dyslexics.
So, anyway the girls are off till tomorrow night and I am now out working for the rest of the day.
love Riki xxx
Friday 4 February 2011
The dating game
I've just got back from the school run, having walked home with one of the other mums, a well meaning but somewhat tedious conversationalist. Normally she just talks at me and I try to remember to smile and nod in the right places while sleepwalking my way up the road. However, today she exhausted herself as a topic of conversation and decided to start on my love life, or rather lack of it.
Apparently I really should start dating and getting out there to meet a nice man. She did stop short of offering to babysit for me, even though she knows their Dad having the girls is a sporadic occurrence. The clincher though was when she told me to try some dating websites as I was bound to meet a nice chap on there. I didn't like to tell her that the last time I tried a dating website, the only man to approach me was a 77 year old calling himself "Red Hot Percy".
I have been on my own for quite a while now and although the thought of dating again is scary, it would be nice to have someone. It'll be difficult to find someone who's prepared to take on psycho cat though!
I'm off to Tesco now, God, my life is one long social whirl of excitement! Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Apparently I really should start dating and getting out there to meet a nice man. She did stop short of offering to babysit for me, even though she knows their Dad having the girls is a sporadic occurrence. The clincher though was when she told me to try some dating websites as I was bound to meet a nice chap on there. I didn't like to tell her that the last time I tried a dating website, the only man to approach me was a 77 year old calling himself "Red Hot Percy".
I have been on my own for quite a while now and although the thought of dating again is scary, it would be nice to have someone. It'll be difficult to find someone who's prepared to take on psycho cat though!
I'm off to Tesco now, God, my life is one long social whirl of excitement! Bye for now
love Riki xxx
Thursday 3 February 2011
Good news
My youngest daughter, Rebecca, had a reading assessment yesterday at school and has been moved up to the next book band. She was so proud of herself! It still means that her reading age is about a year behind but it's a great achievement. Her dyslexia has only just been diagnosed and she still hasn't has a formal assessment (for some reason her Educational Psychologist won't do that until she is eight) but she is receiving all the help that she would get with a formal assessment anyway.
It's been a hard few years for Rebecca. She was a happy contented baby who never cried and met all her targets apart from walking. She didn't actually walk until she was 17 months but her health visitor didn't seem concerned and thought it was just because she was very big and heavy. Rebecca was one of those gorgeous chubby babies with dimpled legs! It was only when she started nursery that any concerns were raised. The nursery called in the local Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator to assess Rebecca for dyspraxia. This was ruled out and as she was improving, any problems were felt to be developmental.
By the time Rebecca started school, her balance was still a bit wobbly and she was holding her pencil in a fist to write. Initially the school put the delays in writing down to her being left handed, but half way through her Reception year, Rebecca got a new teacher who also took over co-ordinating special needs for the school. He immediately set things in motion to get proper assessments for Rebecca and things have improved dramatically since then.
Rebecca sees a paediatrician who referred her for physiotherapy and occupational therapy. Her hearing was tested and found to be fine. She had blood tests to check her thyroid and we are currently awaiting for results of tests for Fragile X syndrome. In addition the school has arranged for speech therapy and Rebecca has "validated hours" which basically gives her a guaranteed amount of one on one help per week.
This, and Rebecca's own determination, has helped her make so much progress. She has hyper mobility in lots of joints so we have worked at strengthening those, she has a special pencil to write with which has helped enormously (stabilo left handed pencil) and her speech is much clearer now.
For Rebecca, dyslexia will obviously be an ongoing problem to deal with throughout her life. She also has severe auditory processing problems which is probably linked to the dyslexia and means that complex or detailed instructions or information are difficult for her deal with. She is a happy little girl though, who deals with everything with a smile and a hug from her is the quickest way to brighten up my day. I am constantly searching for new tools or methods too try and help her and hope to use this blog to pass on any information that others may find useful.
To end on a lighter note, the pyscho cat is now being rechristened Ninja Puss as last night he jumped up on the couch behind my ex and with both front paws proceeded to box him round the head. I swear my ex thinks I trained him to do this, but I didn't, hee hee.
love Riki xxx
It's been a hard few years for Rebecca. She was a happy contented baby who never cried and met all her targets apart from walking. She didn't actually walk until she was 17 months but her health visitor didn't seem concerned and thought it was just because she was very big and heavy. Rebecca was one of those gorgeous chubby babies with dimpled legs! It was only when she started nursery that any concerns were raised. The nursery called in the local Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator to assess Rebecca for dyspraxia. This was ruled out and as she was improving, any problems were felt to be developmental.
By the time Rebecca started school, her balance was still a bit wobbly and she was holding her pencil in a fist to write. Initially the school put the delays in writing down to her being left handed, but half way through her Reception year, Rebecca got a new teacher who also took over co-ordinating special needs for the school. He immediately set things in motion to get proper assessments for Rebecca and things have improved dramatically since then.
Rebecca sees a paediatrician who referred her for physiotherapy and occupational therapy. Her hearing was tested and found to be fine. She had blood tests to check her thyroid and we are currently awaiting for results of tests for Fragile X syndrome. In addition the school has arranged for speech therapy and Rebecca has "validated hours" which basically gives her a guaranteed amount of one on one help per week.
This, and Rebecca's own determination, has helped her make so much progress. She has hyper mobility in lots of joints so we have worked at strengthening those, she has a special pencil to write with which has helped enormously (stabilo left handed pencil) and her speech is much clearer now.
For Rebecca, dyslexia will obviously be an ongoing problem to deal with throughout her life. She also has severe auditory processing problems which is probably linked to the dyslexia and means that complex or detailed instructions or information are difficult for her deal with. She is a happy little girl though, who deals with everything with a smile and a hug from her is the quickest way to brighten up my day. I am constantly searching for new tools or methods too try and help her and hope to use this blog to pass on any information that others may find useful.
To end on a lighter note, the pyscho cat is now being rechristened Ninja Puss as last night he jumped up on the couch behind my ex and with both front paws proceeded to box him round the head. I swear my ex thinks I trained him to do this, but I didn't, hee hee.
love Riki xxx
Wednesday 2 February 2011
Where to start??
Yikes, I'm not often lost for words but knowing where to begin this blog has momentarily stumped me!
OK, here goes. Who am I? I'm a 44 year old single Mum living with my two kids and a psycho cat! Still legally married, partly cos I couldn't face the divorce process initially and now mainly cos I can't afford to pay for it and my ex won't. Now that I've mentioned the ex, I might as well get him out of the way. We met when I was nineteen, got married when I was 26 and then ten years later, when I was eight months pregnant with our second child, I found out that he was having an affair. It turned out that he had numerous affairs while we were married and, to cut a long and tedious story short, he walked out leaving me with a three month old baby and a six year old. I should add that this all happened a month after my dad died too. Really, Eastenders could use my life for inspiration if they run out out plots!
So that's the sob story out of the way. I now work as a mystery shopper and Avon lady, having used to be a quite well paid civil servant. However I now need to fit work around school hours and holidays. Partly because of the learning difficulties of my youngest and this is where the dyslexia from the blog title comes in. But more about that on another day.
Finally, why start a blog? I suppose, why not? I know some people make money from it but I'm realistic and don't expect to make a fortune this way. I suppose i just feel the need to talk, I don't have many close friends, and if someone likes what I write and can relate to it then that's a bonus.
Well, that's all for my introduction. The ex is visiting the girls tonight so I have to go and attempt to tidy up my bombsite of a house so that he doesn't think I'm a total Scummy Mummy. Also the psycho cat has appeared mewing for food and he tends to attack if it's late!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
OK, here goes. Who am I? I'm a 44 year old single Mum living with my two kids and a psycho cat! Still legally married, partly cos I couldn't face the divorce process initially and now mainly cos I can't afford to pay for it and my ex won't. Now that I've mentioned the ex, I might as well get him out of the way. We met when I was nineteen, got married when I was 26 and then ten years later, when I was eight months pregnant with our second child, I found out that he was having an affair. It turned out that he had numerous affairs while we were married and, to cut a long and tedious story short, he walked out leaving me with a three month old baby and a six year old. I should add that this all happened a month after my dad died too. Really, Eastenders could use my life for inspiration if they run out out plots!
So that's the sob story out of the way. I now work as a mystery shopper and Avon lady, having used to be a quite well paid civil servant. However I now need to fit work around school hours and holidays. Partly because of the learning difficulties of my youngest and this is where the dyslexia from the blog title comes in. But more about that on another day.
Finally, why start a blog? I suppose, why not? I know some people make money from it but I'm realistic and don't expect to make a fortune this way. I suppose i just feel the need to talk, I don't have many close friends, and if someone likes what I write and can relate to it then that's a bonus.
Well, that's all for my introduction. The ex is visiting the girls tonight so I have to go and attempt to tidy up my bombsite of a house so that he doesn't think I'm a total Scummy Mummy. Also the psycho cat has appeared mewing for food and he tends to attack if it's late!
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
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