Deja vu

I had a sort of deju vu experience last night. The ex came over to see the girls and as usual didn't turn up until 7pm. This deeply annoys me as Rebecca goes to bed at 8 but I feel if he is here I have to let her stay up a bit as she doesn't get to see him that often. He left at 8.45pm so, of course, she is tired today because of the late night. I have asked him to come earlier but he says he can't leave work earlier than that. Funny how he leaves early twice each week to go to his karate class! Priorities, eh??

Anyway, I'm waffling on, back to the deja vu thingy. The ex is using a motorbike again and as he went out the door, I had a sudden flashback to the night he walked out for good. I stood there that night with Katherine crying in the doorway next to me and Rebecca in my arms as we watched him ride away. Last night Rebecca didn't come to the door, Katherine said goodbye to him and then shut the door not even waiting to wave as he rode off. As I said, I suddenly remembered him leaving before and then realised it was the actual anniversary of him leaving seven years ago. I normally do remember this date as it's the day before St Patricks Day and as the ex is of Irish descent, this was a big thing.

I wasn't sad last night about any of this, just surprised to realise it was seven years ago. Perhaps I was a little sad, as always, to think about the things that he misses out on with the girls and sad about how Katherine's attitude has changed regarding her dad. I am never rude or nasty about him to her, but equally I will no longer defend him as I used to do. Katherine is old enough to make up her own mind about him now.

One final thing regarding the ex. I mentioned Easter to him as we normally split the Easter weekend between us. It looks like this year might be the first time that he doesn't see the girls over Easter at all. Priorities again, eh???

Bye for now, I am off to Tesco.

love Riki xxx