I did something today which might sound mean. But having thought about it, I am quite pleased with myself for doing it.
Rebecca went back to school today and even with my sprained knee, I planned to walk as driving is surprisingly more painful. I got a text from the mum of a girl in her class asking if she could drop her daughter at my house and I take her into school as she had a training course to get to by 9.30am and still had to drop her toddler off. My heart sank a bit reading it. I was worried about walking to school anyway as I am still limping. If she walks alone with me then Rebecca will walk slowly and hold my hand. I just didn't feel that I could deal with two kids who would probably try and run ahead of me too. Also, I wondered why this mum hadn't sorted anything out already and why couldn't she use the school's breakfast club. And I have done favours for her before.
I felt mean though and part of me just wanted to say OK, I'll take her. Previously this is what I would have done and then probably felt resentful all day as I know this mum wouldn't have done anything for me in return. I have been reading again about being assertive though. So I took a deep breath and texted her back saying no and explaining about my knee.
I know this seems like something really little but there are so many times in the past that I would do favours that didn't suit me and that I had genuine reasons for saying no to. So Yayy, here's to the new assertive me.
Hope it lasts!
love Riki xxx
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Tuesday 21 February 2012
Monday 20 February 2012
Mother or a Muppet?
It's been a long week but the end is in sight. Teenage Drama Queen went back to school today and Rebecca goes tomorrow. I have come to the conclusion that poor weather and lack of funds during a school holiday is not a good combination!
We did manage to go out a couple of times including one trip to see The Muppets. I was immediately transported back to my childhood and Saturday evenings spent watching the Muppet Show so it was a bittersweet feeling. The film was very funny though and Rebecca is now a big Muppet fan and according to her I can do an ace impression of Miss Piggy.
Half term was made more difficult by me damaging my knee. I was carrying some bags downstairs in one hand and the hoover in the other hand when I slipped. I dropped the hover but slid down the stairs with one leg twisted behind me. I think I've pulled a ligament, its slowly getting better but I'm still limping and have to strap it up every day. I always knew hoovering was bad for me!!!
The only other thing to happen this week was the ex made his evening visit. He really surpassed himself this time by turning up at quarter to eight and staying for less than an hour. He doesn't seem to phone anymore and has made no suggestions about having the girls again. It's so sad for them. Rebecca was talking about him again and asking again if it was her fault that he left. She said that she feels ashamed that her Daddy doesn't live with her. Its so sad and I really do despise him for the way he treats the girls.
Both girls were talking this week about me finding someone else. I said it couldn't be an option for me at the moment. A line from the song Jar of Hearts keeps going through my head "I've learned to live half a life". It seems appropriate for my situation.
Still, I'm hanging in there and yes, for the things that I've given up and the sacrifices I've made, some people might think I'm a bit of a muppet. But I'm a mother first and foremost and I would change that for the world.
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
We did manage to go out a couple of times including one trip to see The Muppets. I was immediately transported back to my childhood and Saturday evenings spent watching the Muppet Show so it was a bittersweet feeling. The film was very funny though and Rebecca is now a big Muppet fan and according to her I can do an ace impression of Miss Piggy.
Half term was made more difficult by me damaging my knee. I was carrying some bags downstairs in one hand and the hoover in the other hand when I slipped. I dropped the hover but slid down the stairs with one leg twisted behind me. I think I've pulled a ligament, its slowly getting better but I'm still limping and have to strap it up every day. I always knew hoovering was bad for me!!!
The only other thing to happen this week was the ex made his evening visit. He really surpassed himself this time by turning up at quarter to eight and staying for less than an hour. He doesn't seem to phone anymore and has made no suggestions about having the girls again. It's so sad for them. Rebecca was talking about him again and asking again if it was her fault that he left. She said that she feels ashamed that her Daddy doesn't live with her. Its so sad and I really do despise him for the way he treats the girls.
Both girls were talking this week about me finding someone else. I said it couldn't be an option for me at the moment. A line from the song Jar of Hearts keeps going through my head "I've learned to live half a life". It seems appropriate for my situation.
Still, I'm hanging in there and yes, for the things that I've given up and the sacrifices I've made, some people might think I'm a bit of a muppet. But I'm a mother first and foremost and I would change that for the world.
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
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