Running on empty

This applies to so much at the moment, my energy levels, my enthusiasm for housework and in particular my car because i can't afford more petrol!

I knew the euphoria of getting the job wouldn't last before day to day stuff dragged me down again. It started with the ex last night. He came over for Rebecca's parents night at school, didn't say a word to the teacher but came back to the house afterwards. We were chatting and I mentioned that Katherine and I had been discussing coming up to London to see him running in the London Marathon. Stupid me, I thought he'd be pleased if his daughters came and showed support. Even Katherine noticed his reaction though. It was very clear that he didn't want us there. I don't know why, the girlfriend isn't running so it's not like we would be causing any awkward situations. I really don't understand that man,I thought I was doing something nice by offering to bring the girls up, plus they would like to see him running.

The second thing that happened annoyed me in two ways. Firstly what he did and secondly I'm annoyed with myself for still being bothered by something like this. To be polite I asked how the half marathon that he had run at the weekend went. But he didn't ask at all about the Internet Assessors job! He probably didn't even remember and there's no reason why he should, but it still bugged me that I asked about what he had done and he didn't show any interest in return. I do get cross with myself that I can feel myself still seeking his approval. I shouldn't care what he thinks at all.

He is coming over early tomorrow to take Rebecca to school so I can go and collect my Yellow Pages for delivery. This means that he will be alone in the house for a while when he comes back to collect his bike. I must go round tonight hiding anything I don't want him to see!!

The only relevant points from Rebecca's parents night were that they may not give her the normal SATs paper at the end of the year. I agreed with her teacher that it could be counter productive as if she struggles too much, it will damage her self esteem. We all know she will not score very well and will clearly be below the national average so what the point of making her feel bad about herself. It will also be done on a one to one basis which I was pleased about. I know dyslexics normally get help with exams and tests but wasn't sure how her school would handle it.

Her teacher was also emphasising their use of "precision teaching" with Rebecca. Basically this means condensing her work into time periods which her attention span can cope with, i.e: 10 - 15 minutes.

So it was all quite positive and basically means we just keep working on with her and see where she is at the end of the year.

Her school has a Mothers Day Tea this afternoon where we can pay to go and have tea and cakes with them. I'm going so am off to the bank now to get some money to pay for it.

Bye for now

love Riki xxx