Death

I know nobody is particularly keen on the thought of dying; but I am absolutely and completely terrified and the feeling has got worse as I've grown older.

Eastenders set me off tonight as it was the extended episode with the death of Pat. At first I was upset because it reminded me of when my mum died and brought back my guilt about her dying alone. I then got depressed because its my birthday in two weeks and my mum was only 8 years older than mecwhdn she got cancer the first time.

Now I just feel bad because I know I'm quite unhealthy at the moment and really need to lose some weight. I eat when I'm stressed so, with my life, that's fairly constant!

Only way I can manage to snap myself out of this mood generally is by thinking yes, we all die including me, but it won't be today.

NOT TODAY!

Love Riki xxx