Absentee Father

Its a constantly recurring topic in the media to talk about fathers who are denied access to their children. Its an important issue and does need public attention but what about fathers who just don't bother to see their kids?

The access arrangements with my ex have always been very flexible. I told him he could basically see the girls whenever he wanted. As we live in Essex and he has always lived some distance away, I felt that I needed to be very flexible and I wanted the girls to have regular contact with him. I am concerned now though that the contact with the girls seems to be dwindling. The girls have not stayed overnight with the ex since last August!

Last summer the ex and the girlfriend gave up their flat and moved in with his mother due to their finances. This does mean that space is limited and I appreciate that it might be difficult to have the girls overnight, but surely he could take them for the day? Things were made worse in October when the ex broke his leg. Obviously he couldn't drive or travel on the tube. I did offer to take the girls over during the half term holiday but when the ex discovered that I couldn't just leave them and come back later (its a 2 hour journey there by the way!) he made an excuse. He saw the girls once before Christmas for 4 hours when the girlfriend drove over and they took the girls out (found out this was because he were driving somewhere else later and we were on the way)

The ex is now out of plaster and driving again. I spoke to him yesterday to ask if he wanted the girls for his mum's birthday next month. He waffled a response and its clear that he's unlikely to have them. I feel like reminding him that he may have divorced me, but that doesn't mean that he's divorced the girls! I don't really know what to do, I can't make him be more interested in seeing them. There's no way to enforce custody.

I think the thing that bugs me the most though is that he has never said anything to me about not having them overnight. If he had said about not being able to have them stay due to lack of space while he's living at his mums, then I would have understood. That would have been the courteous thing to do, but the ex has never be strong on courtesy!

Speak soon

love Riki xxx