Hit by a sledgehammer!

No, that didn't really happen but that's what it felt like and it's the reason that I am still up at half 12 tonight.

The ex has filed for divorce....

Don't get me wrong, the fact that this news has knocked me sideways doesn't mean i want him back. God forbid. But it was a bit of a shock as it's taken him 7 years to do it and he told me in a email.

After I'd recovered from the initial shock, I emailed him back reminding him that the last time we discussed divorce, I'd asked him to make a will. We own the house jointly but as I reckon he'll remarry (he denies this!!) and probably have more kids, I need to protect the girls inheritance. I told him I will make a will as well so I then spent time trying to sort that out. My cousin, who I'd want as an executor, is in Rome on holiday so I can't ask her. God knows who I will ask to witness it. I don't have many close friends.

I also think I felt more vulnerable tonight because my eldest is away. She has gone on holiday till Saturday with her friend's family. This is the first time she's been away from home for that long and i know that she is still only 13  but it's another reminder about how quickly she is growing up.

I just feel so gloomy. I didn't expect to feel like this about divorce. I think its more the fact that it's a change. We have bumbled along for 7 years like this and now everything changes. I suppose it's natural to feel sad.

Still onwards and upwards, the marriage and the breakup didn't kill me so I shouldn't be worried about the divorce.

Am off to bed, bye for now

love Riki xxx