Ghosts of Mothers Days past

Well, it's Mothers Day here in the UK and I've had a nice day with my girls. We went for a meal and did a bit of shopping and they got me some nice presents. It's a weird day for me though. My mum is dead so I don't have to buy a card or presents. I was thinking about her today and all I could remember was the Mothers Days when she and my ex's mum would come here for the day, I would run around after them all day and end up completely frazzled. My mum was never that grateful (not even for her present!!)but saw this as her right. After I had Katherine, I did point out that this was Mothers Day for me too, only to be told that it wasn't my turn yet. So basically I hated Mothers Day in some ways, it was just hard work and often quite a bit of grief.

Well, now it is my turn and I know I should be sad about my mum not being here. But I'm not......

I am sad that she was the type of woman that she was, and not the mother that I wanted. So much of my life was overshadowed by her, what she wanted and the fear of upsetting her. I suppose what I do feel is a sense of freedom in some ways and, once again, the determination not to repeat my mum's mistakes. I will not suffocate or control my girls.

So Happy Mothers Day to all mothers and lets all look forwards, not back.

Bye for now

love Riki xxxx