Well, have spent the last few weeks dodging teenage verbal bullets so if I had a bunker then, believe me, I'd be cowering at the bottom.
Things got so bad with the Teenage Drama Queen that I actually appealed to the ex for help. This was after she had been so unremittingly nasty to me that I had ended up in tears for the fourth night running. Needless to say, he was no use at all and even gave her money for the weekend. I only managed to get through to her a bit when I really told her exactly how she was making me feel which I think surprised her. I don't know how much of this was due to hormones as she has just started her periods too. Anyway, she started to come out of evil teenager mode and apart from a few relapses, she hasn't been too bad for the last week.
I am still having problems with how she treats Rebecca and Rebecca was definitely bothered by her sisters attitude to me. Poor Rebecca has been exhausted anyway as she has been trying again to stop sucking her thumb which means she hasn't slept as well and she is doing her SATS at school. The school has adapted the SATS for Rebecca. Her teacher agreed that it could be demoralising for her and we already know she is below the national averages so there's no benefit in her struggling through the ordinary paper.
On top of all this drama at home, i have been working like a dog at my Internet assessors job and finding it really difficult to fit the required hours in. Shame, because I need as much money as I can get especially with the Teenage Drama Queen's birthday coming up. I'm hoping the ex might help out financially with that, but am not holding my breath!!
If the peace treaty at home holds, there hopefully i will be around more regularly. Bye for now
love Riki xxxx
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Saturday, 28 May 2011
Sunday, 1 May 2011
I Depend On Me
If Russell Crowe walked into my house now, told me he was single and I was the woman of his dreams, what would I do?
This might seem a random question if you didn't know that I'm watching Gladiator at the moment.
Anyway, I honestly think that I'd say Hi Russ, I'm very flattered but no thanks, not at the moment mate. The more I think about it, the more I can see me continuing on my own. I can't see how I could fit a relationship into my life as it stands and make it work. Part of me also doesn't want to have another person to take into consideration all the time. I do miss being in a relationship though, it's the sharing of stuff and having someone to rely on to help instead of knowing that the only person I can rely on is me. It makes you strong, but it's a bloody lonely position to be in. I swore when the ex walked out that the girls would be my priority in life and they would always know that they come first. If I succeed in that, then nothing else matters really.
This has sort of been my theme song for the last 7 years
However brave I'm being though, Adele still makes me cry...
Bye for now
love Riki
This might seem a random question if you didn't know that I'm watching Gladiator at the moment.
Anyway, I honestly think that I'd say Hi Russ, I'm very flattered but no thanks, not at the moment mate. The more I think about it, the more I can see me continuing on my own. I can't see how I could fit a relationship into my life as it stands and make it work. Part of me also doesn't want to have another person to take into consideration all the time. I do miss being in a relationship though, it's the sharing of stuff and having someone to rely on to help instead of knowing that the only person I can rely on is me. It makes you strong, but it's a bloody lonely position to be in. I swore when the ex walked out that the girls would be my priority in life and they would always know that they come first. If I succeed in that, then nothing else matters really.
This has sort of been my theme song for the last 7 years
However brave I'm being though, Adele still makes me cry...
Bye for now
love Riki
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
Eeeeek, now this could be interesting!!!
We got an invitation today which was really nice. It's from the ex's family. His cousin's son is having his first Holy Communion and the girls and I are invited. I was really happy about this as I've made efforts to keep in touch with them and they were really nice to me when the ex walked out. But then I had a thought......
The ex is the boy's godfather.
Leaving aside the fact that I don't think he has seen him since his christening, the ex will definitely be invited to this. According to Teenage Drama Queen, her dad and the girlfriend were talking about an invitation at the weekend but changed the subject and wouldn't tell her what it was about when she asked.
You are probably thinking what is the fuss, we have been separated for a long time so what is the problem about both attending? Well, that is what normal people would think, but we are talking about the ex here! Since he walked out, we have only been at the same party once. Funny, that was a Holy Communion too. The ex acted liked a complete prat that day and every time I walked into a room, he walked out. He made the situation so awkward that i ended up apologising to the friends hosting the party. The next time they had a party, he was invited along with the girlfriend and me and the girls were not invited. I was really hurt by that as I had acted maturely and we were the ones pushed out.
The only family function he has attended was a wedding that I couldn't go to anyway.
I am definitely going to this party so it could be very very very awkward especially as the party bit is in a house where it's not easy to avoid people and this time the girlfriend will be in tow as well. I'll be driving so I can't even have a drink for dutch courage.
It's in 4 weeks time so Hello Crash Diet (girlfriend is 10 years younger than me and very skinny) and I definitely need a new outfit. It's silly ,I know, but if I feel that I look good then I'll be able to cope more with whatever happens. If he starts the walking out the room thing again, then I think I'll tell the stupid man to grow up!!!
Bye for now
love Riki xxxx
The ex is the boy's godfather.
Leaving aside the fact that I don't think he has seen him since his christening, the ex will definitely be invited to this. According to Teenage Drama Queen, her dad and the girlfriend were talking about an invitation at the weekend but changed the subject and wouldn't tell her what it was about when she asked.
You are probably thinking what is the fuss, we have been separated for a long time so what is the problem about both attending? Well, that is what normal people would think, but we are talking about the ex here! Since he walked out, we have only been at the same party once. Funny, that was a Holy Communion too. The ex acted liked a complete prat that day and every time I walked into a room, he walked out. He made the situation so awkward that i ended up apologising to the friends hosting the party. The next time they had a party, he was invited along with the girlfriend and me and the girls were not invited. I was really hurt by that as I had acted maturely and we were the ones pushed out.
The only family function he has attended was a wedding that I couldn't go to anyway.
I am definitely going to this party so it could be very very very awkward especially as the party bit is in a house where it's not easy to avoid people and this time the girlfriend will be in tow as well. I'll be driving so I can't even have a drink for dutch courage.
It's in 4 weeks time so Hello Crash Diet (girlfriend is 10 years younger than me and very skinny) and I definitely need a new outfit. It's silly ,I know, but if I feel that I look good then I'll be able to cope more with whatever happens. If he starts the walking out the room thing again, then I think I'll tell the stupid man to grow up!!!
Bye for now
love Riki xxxx
Monday, 25 April 2011
Fight, Fight with all your might. Teenagers can argue all night!!!
Well, it's the end of the Easter holidays and Teenage Drama Queen has finished them in style, Ha! Nothing I have done or said has gone down well with her since they got back from their Dads.
Easter Sunday, she stayed in her bedroom virtually all day on her laptop. I dragged her out for our traditional egg hunt and she did it with such a bad attitude that it ruined it for me. She moaned that the clues were too easy and then tried to push in front of Rebecca every time to get to the eggs and the next clue. Rebecca actually ended up in tears at one point. I told her to grow up and was it the end of the world if she let her little sister get there first? She is sooooo competitive! I'd made a special Easter cake as well which neither of them liked very much so I failed there as well.
Today she got up and said she felt ill again (I should mention that she has been an absolute nightmare to get to bed all through the holiday!) I convinced her that fresh air might help and she came in the garden this afternoon. All she did though was snipe at Rebecca and call her names. Then tonight I tried to get her to bed at ten and it was half eleven before I succeeded. I tried talking to her about her attitude but the only response was how much she hates school and how everything is soooo bad. She really is in the frame of mind where she thinks that no-one could possibly be worse off than her. She does worry me and her attitude to Rebecca seems to be getting worse. She knows all about Rebecca's problems and issues but still persists in calling her weird and other nasty comments. Rebecca already has self esteem issues and it worries me what effect her sister's comments are having.
I am really not sure what to do about her, I hope it's just a phase. She's only thirteen so don't tell me I have years of this type of behaviour to endure! I feel like a really bad, bad mummy for writing this next sentence. I know she's my daughter and i love her unconditionally, but I don't like her very much at the moment.....
Still, it's school for both of them tomorrow so a bit of peace for me and a chance to recover. Bye for now
love Riki xxxxx
Easter Sunday, she stayed in her bedroom virtually all day on her laptop. I dragged her out for our traditional egg hunt and she did it with such a bad attitude that it ruined it for me. She moaned that the clues were too easy and then tried to push in front of Rebecca every time to get to the eggs and the next clue. Rebecca actually ended up in tears at one point. I told her to grow up and was it the end of the world if she let her little sister get there first? She is sooooo competitive! I'd made a special Easter cake as well which neither of them liked very much so I failed there as well.
Today she got up and said she felt ill again (I should mention that she has been an absolute nightmare to get to bed all through the holiday!) I convinced her that fresh air might help and she came in the garden this afternoon. All she did though was snipe at Rebecca and call her names. Then tonight I tried to get her to bed at ten and it was half eleven before I succeeded. I tried talking to her about her attitude but the only response was how much she hates school and how everything is soooo bad. She really is in the frame of mind where she thinks that no-one could possibly be worse off than her. She does worry me and her attitude to Rebecca seems to be getting worse. She knows all about Rebecca's problems and issues but still persists in calling her weird and other nasty comments. Rebecca already has self esteem issues and it worries me what effect her sister's comments are having.
I am really not sure what to do about her, I hope it's just a phase. She's only thirteen so don't tell me I have years of this type of behaviour to endure! I feel like a really bad, bad mummy for writing this next sentence. I know she's my daughter and i love her unconditionally, but I don't like her very much at the moment.....
Still, it's school for both of them tomorrow so a bit of peace for me and a chance to recover. Bye for now
love Riki xxxxx
Friday, 22 April 2011
Mean Mummy!!
The girls have gone to their Dads overnight and while I am grateful for my 24 hours off from being Super Mummy. I am feeling a bit mean!
Teenage Drama Queen staggered out of bed this morning and announced that she felt ill and didn't want to go to Dads. This is nothing new as she never wants to go. She got no sympathy from me and I told her she had to go as she wasn't staying at home on twitter and facebook all day (how she has occupied herself for the last two days). Anyway she went in the end as she didn't want to leave Rebecca to go on her own. This is the only time she actually gets protective about Rebecca and she does look after her.
So they drove off with the ex who was wearing a really hideous pair of shorts. I keep wondering when his mid life crisis will actually end, it must be stressful keeping up with a girlfriend that much younger than him. Sorry,I got distracted into bitching about the ex, but they went and i went off to Tesco. I was in the middle of shopping when Teenage Drama Queen texted to say she had been violently sick at Dads and felt awful. We had a bit of a conversation and she has been sick a couple of times since then. Rebecca was ill earlier this week (threw up in my bed one night) so she obviously has the same bug.
I just feel like a mean Mummy for making her go today when she did want to stay at home and said she felt ill. Her Dad lives two hours away so he can't just drop her back. I must admit though that part of me is thinking it's good that he has to deal with an illness once. He normally refuses to visit if they are ill in case he catches it. I had to get out of bed with gastric flu once to look after the girls who were ill too.
But still my baby is poorly and I'm not there to look after her. So while i am enjoying the sunshine and sitting in the garden with a beer,I do feel guilty. Aaaaah, the guilts of motherhood!!
Bye for now
love Riki xxxx
Teenage Drama Queen staggered out of bed this morning and announced that she felt ill and didn't want to go to Dads. This is nothing new as she never wants to go. She got no sympathy from me and I told her she had to go as she wasn't staying at home on twitter and facebook all day (how she has occupied herself for the last two days). Anyway she went in the end as she didn't want to leave Rebecca to go on her own. This is the only time she actually gets protective about Rebecca and she does look after her.
So they drove off with the ex who was wearing a really hideous pair of shorts. I keep wondering when his mid life crisis will actually end, it must be stressful keeping up with a girlfriend that much younger than him. Sorry,I got distracted into bitching about the ex, but they went and i went off to Tesco. I was in the middle of shopping when Teenage Drama Queen texted to say she had been violently sick at Dads and felt awful. We had a bit of a conversation and she has been sick a couple of times since then. Rebecca was ill earlier this week (threw up in my bed one night) so she obviously has the same bug.
I just feel like a mean Mummy for making her go today when she did want to stay at home and said she felt ill. Her Dad lives two hours away so he can't just drop her back. I must admit though that part of me is thinking it's good that he has to deal with an illness once. He normally refuses to visit if they are ill in case he catches it. I had to get out of bed with gastric flu once to look after the girls who were ill too.
But still my baby is poorly and I'm not there to look after her. So while i am enjoying the sunshine and sitting in the garden with a beer,I do feel guilty. Aaaaah, the guilts of motherhood!!
Bye for now
love Riki xxxx
Sunday, 17 April 2011
Running the Mummy Marathon
We watched the London Marathon today, mainly because the ex was running and the girls wanted to try and see him. We had intended to go to London to watch but Rebecca was sick last night and this morning (once in the car, three times on the front room carpet and once in a bowl!).Anyway, we didn't see him but he did finish apparently.
Anyway tonight I got to thinking about everything I had to do today and everything I didn't have time to do and decided my life is like a Mummy Marathon!! Today, I fetched and carried and cleared up after Rebecca who lay on the couch for most of the day, cleaned the kitchen and cleared out some cupboards, did all the washing and got it dry, changed the beds, cooked Sunday dinner, worked for a while on the laptop and did the ironing. I should also mention the time spent consoling Teenage Drama Queen who came home yesterday from holiday with her friend's family and has been depressed every since. She is moping around complaining and generally acting like it is such a bad thing to be home. This hasn't exactly made me feel good...
So all in all, I think the marathon runners may have have it easier today. The London Marathon appeared to be less stressful than the Mummy Marathon.
Bye for now
love Riki xxxx
Anyway tonight I got to thinking about everything I had to do today and everything I didn't have time to do and decided my life is like a Mummy Marathon!! Today, I fetched and carried and cleared up after Rebecca who lay on the couch for most of the day, cleaned the kitchen and cleared out some cupboards, did all the washing and got it dry, changed the beds, cooked Sunday dinner, worked for a while on the laptop and did the ironing. I should also mention the time spent consoling Teenage Drama Queen who came home yesterday from holiday with her friend's family and has been depressed every since. She is moping around complaining and generally acting like it is such a bad thing to be home. This hasn't exactly made me feel good...
So all in all, I think the marathon runners may have have it easier today. The London Marathon appeared to be less stressful than the Mummy Marathon.
Bye for now
love Riki xxxx
Wednesday, 13 April 2011
I do love meerkats!
I think we've all had days when we feel like this -
I know I did after the news from ex about divorce but I shook it off and took Rebecca to the zoo to the day which is where we met the meerkat who had collapsed in the sun. We had a lovely day and it reminded me again how lucky i am to have my girls. They are what I fight for every day and the reason why i have 3 jobs and a possible lead on job number 4. I'll say no more about that at the moment but watch this space.
The ex has gone silent. I don't know whether to be worried about that or not. One one hand it could be that he thought I was in a stupid panic about the house and he doesn't need to comment or it could be that he doesn't want to say anything about the house because he has other plans for it. That is the possibility that is worrying me. He pays the mortgage at the moment. It's the only way to keep the house. If he refuses or says he can't afford it anymore, then I will have to sell and I won't have enough to buy anywhere and I don't earn enough for a mortgage. He has never had legal advice before so I am concerned that now his guilt over his actions (cheating while i was pregnant and walking out when Rebecca was only 3 months old) have subsided, the incentive to pay the mortgage has lessened. Especially with his girlfriend's biological clock clanging in his ear like Big Ben!
Worrying won't help me so will try and not think too much about it.
Teenage Drama Queen is having a good time on holiday with her friend's family. I've missed her lots and it's been very quiet but she's texted me every day. I'm looking forward to her coming home on Saturday so we can have a big family hug -
Bye for now
love Riki xxx
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