Hiding in the bunker! Pass the tin helmet now!

Well, have spent the last few weeks dodging teenage verbal bullets so if I had a bunker then, believe me, I'd be cowering at the bottom.

Things got so bad with the Teenage Drama Queen that I actually appealed to the ex for help. This was after she had been so unremittingly nasty to me that I had ended up in tears for the fourth night running.  Needless to say, he was no use at all and even gave her money for the weekend. I only managed to get through to her a bit when I really told her exactly how she was making me feel which I think surprised her. I don't know how much of this was due to hormones as she has just started her periods too. Anyway, she started to come out of evil teenager mode and apart from a few relapses, she hasn't been too bad for the last week.

I am still having problems with how she treats Rebecca and Rebecca was definitely bothered by her sisters attitude to me. Poor Rebecca has been exhausted anyway as she has been trying again to stop sucking her thumb which means she hasn't slept as well and she is doing her SATS at school. The school has adapted the SATS for Rebecca. Her teacher agreed that it could be demoralising for her and we already know she is below the national averages so there's no benefit in her struggling through the ordinary paper.

On top of all this drama at home, i have been working like a dog at my Internet assessors job and finding it really difficult to fit the required hours in. Shame, because I need as much money as I can get especially with the Teenage Drama Queen's birthday coming up. I'm hoping the ex might help out financially with that, but am not holding my breath!!

If the peace treaty at home holds, there hopefully i will be around more regularly. Bye for now

love Riki xxxx

I Depend On Me

If Russell Crowe walked into my house now, told me he was single and I was the woman of his dreams, what would I do?

This might seem a random question if you didn't know that I'm watching Gladiator at the moment.

Anyway, I honestly think that I'd say Hi Russ, I'm very flattered but no thanks, not at the moment mate. The more I think about it, the more I can see me continuing on my own. I can't see how I could fit a relationship into my life as it stands and make it work. Part of me also doesn't want to have another person to take into consideration all the time. I do miss being in a relationship though, it's the sharing of stuff and having someone to rely on to help instead of knowing that the only person I can rely on is me. It makes you strong, but it's a bloody lonely position to be in.  I swore when the ex walked out that the girls would be my priority in life and they would always know that they come first. If I succeed in that, then nothing else matters really.

This has sort of been my theme song for the last 7 years

However brave I'm being though, Adele still makes me cry...


Bye for now

love Riki